Repository: NARKOZ/hacker-scripts
Branch: master
Commit: b14a0a89bdf7
Files: 58
Total size: 67.1 KB
Directory structure:
gitextract_7n55pooc/
├── CSharp/
│ ├── Hangover.cs
│ └── SmackMyBitch.cs
├── R/
│ ├── hangover.R
│ └── smack_my_bitch_up.R
├── README.md
├── README.zh-CN.md
├── clojure/
│ ├── coffee.clj
│ ├── hangover.clj
│ ├── kumar.clj
│ └── smack.clj
├── coffee/
│ └── fucking.coffee
├── fucking-coffee.sh
├── fucking_coffee.rb
├── go/
│ ├── fucking-coffee.go
│ ├── hangover.go
│ └── smack_my_bitch_up.go
├── groovy/
│ └── fucking_coffee.groovy
├── hangover.rb
├── hangover.sh
├── java/
│ ├── FuckingCoffee.java
│ ├── Hangover.java
│ ├── KumarAsshole.java
│ └── SmackMyBitch.java
├── kotlin/
│ ├── FuckingCoffee.kt
│ ├── Hangover.kt
│ ├── KumarAsshole.kt
│ └── SmackMyBitch.kt
├── kumar-asshole.sh
├── kumar_asshole.rb
├── nodejs/
│ ├── fucking_coffee.js
│ ├── fucking_coffee_yo_server.js
│ ├── hangover.js
│ ├── kumar_asshole.js
│ └── smack_my_bitch_up.js
├── perl/
│ ├── fucking-coffee.pl
│ ├── hangover.pl
│ ├── kumar-asshole.pl
│ └── smack-my-bitch-up.pl
├── php/
│ ├── composer.json
│ ├── fucking_coffee.php
│ ├── hangover.php
│ └── smack_my_bitch_up.php
├── powershell/
│ ├── fucking_coffee.psm1
│ ├── hangover.psm1
│ └── smack_my_bitch_up.ps1
├── python/
│ ├── fucking_coffee.py
│ ├── hangover.py
│ ├── kumar_asshole.py
│ └── smack_my_bitch_up.py
├── python3/
│ ├── fucking_coffee.py
│ ├── hackerutils.py
│ ├── hangover.py
│ ├── kumar_asshole.py
│ ├── requirements.txt
│ └── smack_my_bitch_up.py
├── scala/
│ └── fucking-coffee.scala
├── smack-my-bitch-up.sh
└── smack_my_bitch_up.rb
================================================
FILE CONTENTS
================================================
================================================
FILE: CSharp/Hangover.cs
================================================
namespace Hacker_Scripts
{
using System;
using Twilio;
using System.Linq;
class Hangover
{
public static string TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID = Environment.GetEnvironmentVariable("TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID");
public static string AUTH_TOKEN = Environment.GetEnvironmentVariable("TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN");
public static string YOUR_NUMBER = "9879789978";
public static string BOSS_NUMBER = "3213213233";
static void Main(string[] args)
{
var twilio = new TwilioRestClient(TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID, AUTH_TOKEN);
string[] randomMessages = {
"Locked out",
"Pipes broke",
"Food poisoning",
"Not feeling well"
};
int randomIndex = new Random().Next(randomMessages.Count());
String messageToSend = (randomMessages[randomIndex]);
var message = twilio.SendMessage(YOUR_NUMBER, BOSS_NUMBER, messageToSend);
Console.WriteLine(message.Sid);
}
}
}
================================================
FILE: CSharp/SmackMyBitch.cs
================================================
using System;
using System.Collections.Generic;
using System.Linq;
using System.Text;
using System.Threading.Tasks;
using Twilio;
namespace Hacker_Scripts
{
class SmackMyBitch
{
public static string TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID = Environment.GetEnvironmentVariable("TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID");
public static string AUTH_TOKEN = Environment.GetEnvironmentVariable("TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN");
public static string YOUR_NUMBER = "9879789978";
public static string HER_NUMBER = "3213213233";
static void Main(string[] args)
{
var twilio = new TwilioRestClient(TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID, AUTH_TOKEN);
string[] randomMessages = {
"Working hard",
"Gotta ship this feature",
"Someone fucked the system again"
};
int randomIndex = new Random().Next(randomMessages.Count());
String messageToSend = (randomMessages[randomIndex]);
var message = twilio.SendMessage(YOUR_NUMBER, HER_NUMBER, messageToSend);
Console.WriteLine(message.Sid);
}
}
}
================================================
FILE: R/hangover.R
================================================
library(httr)
today = Sys.Date()
# skip weekends
if( weekdays(today) %in% c('Saturday','Sunday') ){
quit()
}
# exit if no sessions with my username are found
output = system("who", intern = TRUE)
if( !( grep('^my_user_name', output) ) ){
quit()
}
# returns 'None' if the key doesn't exist
TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID = Sys.getenv('TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID')
TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN = Sys.getenv('TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN')
# Phone numbers
my_number = '+xxx'
number_of_boss= '+xxx'
excuse = c(
'Locked out',
'Pipes broke',
'Food poisoning',
'Not feeling well'
)
POST(paste("https://api.twilio.com/2010-04-01/Accounts/",TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID,"/Messages.json",sep=""),
body = list(From=my_number,To=number_of_boss,Body=paste("Gonna work from home. ", sample(excuse,1))),
authenticate(TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID,TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN) )
print( paste("Message sent at",Sys.time()) )
================================================
FILE: R/smack_my_bitch_up.R
================================================
library(httr)
today = Sys.Date()
# skip weekends
if( weekdays(today) %in% c('Saturday','Sunday') ){
quit()
}
# exit if no sessions with my username are found
output = system("who", intern = TRUE)
if( !( grep('^my_user_name', output) ) ){
quit()
}
# returns 'None' if the key doesn't exist
TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID = Sys.getenv('TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID')
TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN = Sys.getenv('TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN')
# Phone numbers
my_number = '+xxx'
her_number = '+xxx'
reasons = c(
'Working hard',
'Gotta ship this feature',
'Someone fucked the system again'
)
POST(paste("https://api.twilio.com/2010-04-01/Accounts/",TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID,"/Messages.json",sep=""),
body = list(From=my_number,To=her_number,Body=paste("Late at work. ", sample(reasons,1))),
authenticate(TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID,TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN) )
print( paste("Message sent at",Sys.time()) )
================================================
FILE: README.md
================================================
English | [简体中文](./README.zh-CN.md)
# Hacker Scripts
Based on a _[true
story](https://www.jitbit.com/alexblog/249-now-thats-what-i-call-a-hacker/)_:
> xxx: OK, so, our build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know, that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown... If something - anything - requires more than 90 seconds of his time, he writes a script to automate that.
> xxx: So we're sitting here, looking through his, uhm, "legacy"
> xxx: You're gonna love this
> xxx: [`smack-my-bitch-up.sh`](https://github.com/NARKOZ/hacker-scripts/blob/master/smack-my-bitch-up.sh) - sends a text message "late at work" to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server after 9pm with his login.
> xxx: [`kumar-asshole.sh`](https://github.com/NARKOZ/hacker-scripts/blob/master/kumar-asshole.sh) - scans the inbox for emails from "Kumar" (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like "help", "trouble", "sorry" etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database to the latest backup. Then sends a reply "no worries mate, be careful next time".
> xxx: [`hangover.sh`](https://github.com/NARKOZ/hacker-scripts/blob/master/hangover.sh) - another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like "not feeling well/gonna work from home" etc. Adds a random "reason" from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive sessions on the server at 8:45am.
> xxx: (and the oscar goes to) [`fucking-coffee.sh`](https://github.com/NARKOZ/hacker-scripts/blob/master/fucking-coffee.sh) - this one waits exactly 17 seconds (!), then opens a telnet session to our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has a TCP socket up and running) and sends something like `sys brew`. Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half-caf latte and waits another 24 (!) seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from the dudes desk.
> xxx: holy sh*t I'm keeping those
Original: http://bash.im/quote/436725 (in Russian) (Archive.org [link](https://web.archive.org/web/20210226092253/http://bash.im/quote/436725))
Pull requests with other implementations (Python, Perl, Shell, etc) are welcome.
## Usage
You need these environment variables:
```sh
# used in `smack-my-bitch-up` and `hangover` scripts
TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID=ACxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN=yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
# used in `kumar_asshole` script
GMAIL_USERNAME=admin@example.org
GMAIL_PASSWORD=password
```
For Ruby scripts you need to install gems:
`gem install dotenv twilio-ruby gmail`
## Cron jobs
```sh
# Runs `smack-my-bitch-up.sh` monday to friday at 9:20 pm.
20 21 * * 1-5 /path/to/scripts/smack-my-bitch-up.sh >> /path/to/smack-my-bitch-up.log 2>&1
# Runs `hangover.sh` monday to friday at 8:45 am.
45 8 * * 1-5 /path/to/scripts/hangover.sh >> /path/to/hangover.log 2>&1
# Runs `kumar-asshole.sh` every 10 minutes.
*/10 * * * * /path/to/scripts/kumar-asshole.sh
# Runs `fucking-coffee.sh` hourly from 9am to 6pm on weekdays.
0 9-18 * * 1-5 /path/to/scripts/fucking-coffee.sh
```
---
Code is released under WTFPL.
================================================
FILE: README.zh-CN.md
================================================
# Hacker Scripts
根据 *[真实故事](https://www.jitbit.com/alexblog/249-now-thats-what-i-call-a-hacker/)* 改编:
> xxx: 是这样的，我们的构建工程师离职去了另外一家公司，这货基本算是生活在终端里。 你知道么，这人热爱Vim，用Dot作图，甚至用MarkDown来写维基帖子...，如果有什么事情要花上他超过90秒，他一定会整个脚本来让这件事变得“自动化”。
> xxx: 我们现在坐在他的工位上，看着他留下来的这些，呃，“遗产”？
> xxx: 我觉得你们会喜欢这些的
> xxx: [`smack-my-bitch-up.sh(拍老婆马屁脚本)`](https://github.com/NARKOZ/hacker-scripts/blob/master/smack-my-bitch-up.sh) - 它会给他的老婆（很明显是他老婆）发送一条“今晚要加班了”的短信，再自动从文本库中随机地选择一条理由。这个脚本被设置为定时触发，而且只有在工作日晚9点以后，服务器上还有他登陆的SSH进程在运行时才会执行。
> xxx: [`kumar-asshole.sh（库马尔个傻*）`](https://github.com/NARKOZ/hacker-scripts/blob/master/kumar-asshole.sh) - 这个脚本会自动扫描邮箱，如果发现其中有库马尔（库马尔是我们客户公司的一位数据库管理员）发来的邮件，就会在其中寻找关键字如“求助”，“遇到麻烦了”，“抱歉”等等，如果发现了这些关键字，这个脚本会通过SSH连接上客户公司的服务器，把中间数据库（staging database）回滚到最新一次的可用备份。然后它会给邮件发送回复，“没事了哥们，下次小心点哈”。
> xxx: [`hangover.sh（宿醉）`](https://github.com/NARKOZ/hacker-scripts/blob/master/hangover.sh) - 同样是个定时执行的任务，被设置为在特定日期触发，它会自动发送诸如“今天不太舒服”或“今天我在家上班”之类的邮件，同样会从文本库里随机选取一条理由。这个任务会在工作日清晨8点45分以后服务器上仍然没有可交互的SSH进程时真正执行。
> xxx: (最牛的就是接下来这个) [`fucking-coffee.sh（**的咖啡）`](https://github.com/NARKOZ/hacker-scripts/blob/master/fucking-coffee.sh) - 这个脚本在启动之后，会先等待恰好17秒（！），然后启动一个登录进程连接到我们的咖啡机（淦，我们之前完全不知道我们的咖啡机是联网的，上面还运行着Linux系统，甚至还跑着TCP socket连接！），然后它会发送类似“系统！开始煮咖啡！”之类的消息，结果这条消息会让咖啡机开始工作，煮一杯 中杯大小、半咖啡因的拿铁，再等待恰好24秒（！）后，才倒进咖啡杯里。这些时间加起来刚好就是这位程序员从自己的工位走到机器前要的时间。
> xxx: 天了噜我要把这些保留下来。
原文: http://bash.im/quote/436725 (俄语)
欢迎使用其它语言来实现 (Python, Perl, Shell等等)并提交PR。
## 用法
你需要以下这些环境变量：
```bash
# used in `smack-my-bitch-up` and `hangover` scripts
TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID=ACxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN=yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
# used in `kumar_asshole` script
GMAIL_USERNAME=admin@example.org
GMAIL_PASSWORD=password
```
为了执行Ruby脚本，你需要安装gems: `gem install dotenv twilio-ruby gmail`
## 定时任务
```bash
# Runs `smack-my-bitch-up.sh` monday to friday at 9:20 pm.
20 21 * * 1-5 /path/to/scripts/smack-my-bitch-up.sh >> /path/to/smack-my-bitch-up.log 2>&1
# Runs `hangover.sh` monday to friday at 8:45 am.
45 8 * * 1-5 /path/to/scripts/hangover.sh >> /path/to/hangover.log 2>&1
# Runs `kumar-asshole.sh` every 10 minutes.
*/10 * * * * /path/to/scripts/kumar-asshole.sh
# Runs `fucking-coffee.sh` hourly from 9am to 6pm on weekdays.
0 9-18 * * 1-5 /path/to/scripts/fucking-coffee.sh
```
------
代码的使用遵循WTFPL（Do What The Fuck You Want To Public License）协议。
================================================
FILE: clojure/coffee.clj
================================================
(ns hacker-scripts.coffee
(:require [environ.core :refer [env]])
(:import
(java.net Socket)
(java.io BufferedReader PrintWriter InputStreamReader)))
(def my-username "my-username")
(def my-password "my-password")
(def coffee-machine-ip "10.10.42.42")
(def password-prompt "Password: ")
(def connection-port 23)
(def sec-delay-before-brew 17)
(def sec-delay-before-pour 24)
(defn logged-in? [] (= (:USER env) my-username))
(defn auth [in-stream out-stream]
(if (= (.readLine in-stream) password-prompt)
(.println out-stream my-password)
(throw (RuntimeException.
"Failed to authenticate with coffee machine"))))
(defn command-brew-pour [out-stream]
(do
(Thread/sleep (* 1000 sec-delay-before-brew))
(.println out-stream "sys brew")
(Thread/sleep (* 1000 sec-delay-before-pour))
(.println out-stream "sys pour")))
(defn coffee []
(if (logged-in?)
(with-open [socket (Socket. coffee-machine-ip connection-port)
out-stream (PrintWriter. (.getOutputStream socket) true)
in-stream (BufferedReader. (InputStreamReader. (.getInputStream socket)))]
(do
(auth in-stream out-stream)
(command-brew-pour out-stream)))))
================================================
FILE: clojure/hangover.clj
================================================
(ns hacker-scripts.hangover
(:import
(com.twilio Twilio)
(com.twilio.rest.api.v2010.account Message)
(com.twilio.type PhoneNumber)))
(def acc-sid "my twilio account SID")
(def acc-tkn "my twilio secret token")
(def my-num (PhoneNumber. "+10001112222"))
(def boss-num (PhoneNumber. "+19998887777"))
(def reasons ["Receiving delivery"
"Waiting for repairman"
"Nasty cold"])
(defn twilio-init []
(Twilio/init acc-sid acc-tkn))
(defn send-sms [to-num from-num message]
(.. Message (creator to-num from-num message) create))
(def send-sms-boss (partial send-sms boss-num my-num))
(defn hangover []
(twilio-init)
(let [message (rand-nth reasons)]
(send-sms-boss message)))
================================================
FILE: clojure/kumar.clj
================================================
(ns hacker-scripts.kumar
(:import
(java.util Properties)
(javax.mail Session Authenticator PasswordAuthentication Message$RecipientType Transport Folder Flags Flags$Flag)
(javax.mail.internet MimeMessage InternetAddress)
(javax.mail.search FlagTerm FromTerm AndTerm OrTerm SubjectTerm BodyTerm SearchTerm)))
(def host "smtp.gmail.com")
(def my-email "my-email@gmail.com")
(def my-password "my-gmail-password")
(def kumar-email "kumar@gmail.com")
(def seen-flag (Flags. (Flags$Flag/SEEN)))
(def unread-term (FlagTerm. seen-flag false))
(defn get-session []
(let [authenticator (proxy [Authenticator] []
(getPasswordAuthentication []
(PasswordAuthentication. my-email my-password)))
props (Properties.)]
(.put props "mail.smtp.host" "smtp.gmail.com")
(.put props "mail.smtp.port" "587")
(.put props "mail.smtp.auth" "true")
(.put props "mail.smtp.starttls.enable" "true")
(.. Session (getInstance props authenticator))))
(defn get-inbox [session]
(let [store (.getStore session "imaps")
inbox (do
(.connect store host my-email my-password)
(.getFolder store "inbox"))]
(.open inbox Folder/READ_WRITE)
inbox))
(defn get-no-worries-message [session]
(let [message (MimeMessage. session)]
(.setFrom message (InternetAddress. my-email))
(.addRecipient message Message$RecipientType/TO (InternetAddress. kumar-email))
(.setSubject message "Database fixes")
(.setText message "No worries mate, be careful next time")
message))
(defn search-term [pattern]
(OrTerm. (into-array SearchTerm [(SubjectTerm. pattern) (BodyTerm. pattern)])))
(defn any-of-search-term [& patterns]
(OrTerm. (into-array (map search-term patterns))))
(defn from-term [addr]
(FromTerm. (InternetAddress. addr)))
(defn get-unread-sos-from-kumar [inbox]
(let [flag (AndTerm. (into-array SearchTerm [unread-term
(from-term kumar-email)
(any-of-search-term "help" "sorry" "trouble")]))]
(.search inbox flag)))
(defn mark-as-read [inbox messages]
(.setFlags inbox messages seen-flag true))
(defn kumar-asshole []
(let [session (get-session)
inbox (get-inbox session)
unread-sos-from-kumar (get-unread-sos-from-kumar inbox)]
(when (seq unread-sos-from-kumar)
(mark-as-read inbox unread-sos-from-kumar)
(Transport/send (get-no-worries-message session)))))
================================================
FILE: clojure/smack.clj
================================================
(ns hacker-scripts.smack
(:import
(com.twilio Twilio)
(com.twilio.rest.api.v2010.account Message)
(com.twilio.type PhoneNumber)))
(def acc-sid "my twilio account SID")
(def acc-tkn "my twilio secret token")
(def my-num (PhoneNumber. "+10001112222"))
(def her-num (PhoneNumber. "+19998887777"))
(def reasons ["Working hard"
"Gotta ship this feature"
"Someone fucked the system again"])
(defn twilio-init []
(Twilio/init acc-sid acc-tkn))
(defn send-sms [to-num from-num message]
(.. Message (creator to-num from-num message) create))
(def send-sms-girlfriend (partial send-sms her-num my-num))
(defn smack []
(twilio-init)
(let [message (rand-nth reasons)]
(send-sms-girlfriend message)))
================================================
FILE: coffee/fucking.coffee
================================================
#!/usr/bin/env coffee
username = 'name'
host = 'localhost'
port = '3000'
pass = '5555'
sh = require('child_process').execSync
# weekend
process.exit 0 if new Date().getDay() in [6, 0]
# no sessions
process.exit 0 unless new RegExp(username).test sh('who -q').toString()
conn = require('net').createConnection port, host
setTimeout ->
conn.write "#{pass}\nsys brew\n"
setTimeout ->
conn.end 'sys pour'
process.exit 0
, 2 * 1000
, 1 * 1000
# alert
sh 'say come here and take your fucking coffee'
================================================
FILE: fucking-coffee.sh
================================================
#!/bin/sh
#
# Requires fucking_coffee script in your bin
#
exec fucking_coffee
================================================
FILE: fucking_coffee.rb
================================================
#!/usr/bin/env ruby
# Exit early if no sessions with my username are found
exit unless `who -q`.include? ENV['USER']
require 'net/telnet'
coffee_machine_ip = '10.10.42.42'
password = '1234'
password_prompt = 'Password: '
delay_before_brew = 17
delay = 24
sleep delay_before_brew
con = Net::Telnet.new('Host' => coffee_machine_ip)
con.cmd('String' => password, 'Match' => /#{password_prompt}/)
con.cmd('sys brew')
sleep delay
con.cmd('sys pour')
con.close
================================================
FILE: go/fucking-coffee.go
================================================
package main
import (
"fmt"
"log"
"os"
"regexp"
"time"
"github.com/codeskyblue/go-sh"
"github.com/google/goexpect"
)
func main() {
// exit early if no sessions with my username are found
currentUser, _ := sh.Command("who").Command("grep", "my_username").Output()
if currentUser == nil {
os.Exit(1)
}
// info about the coffee machine
coffeeMachineIP := "10.10.42.42"
password := "1234"
passwordPrompt := "Password: "
delayBeforeBrew := 17 * time.Second
delay := 24 * time.Second
// timeout for the telnet prompts
timeout := 10 * time.Minute
// sleep 17 seconds before brewing coffee
time.Sleep(delayBeforeBrew)
// spawn a new telnet session with the coffee machine
t, _, err := expect.Spawn(fmt.Sprintf("telnet %s", coffeeMachineIP), -1)
if err != nil {
log.Fatal(err)
}
defer t.Close()
t.Expect(regexp.MustCompile(passwordPrompt), timeout)
t.Send(password + "\n")
t.Expect(regexp.MustCompile("telnet>"), timeout)
t.Send("sys brew\n")
time.Sleep(delay)
t.Expect(regexp.MustCompile("telnet>"), timeout)
t.Send("sys pour\n")
t.Expect(regexp.MustCompile("telnet>"), timeout)
t.Send("exit\n")
}
================================================
FILE: go/hangover.go
================================================
package main
import (
"fmt"
"log"
"math/rand"
"os"
"github.com/codeskyblue/go-sh"
"github.com/subosito/twilio"
)
const my_number string = "+xxxxx"
const boss_number string = "+yyyyy"
func main() {
//exit if sessions with my username are found
_, err := sh.Command("who").Command("grep", "my_username").Output()
if err != nil {
os.Exit(1)
}
//Grab Twilio ID and token from environment variables
Account_Sid := os.Getenv("TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID")
Auth_Token := os.Getenv("TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN")
//create the reasons slice and append reasons to it
reasons := make([]string, 0)
reasons = append(reasons,
"Locked out",
"Pipes broke",
"Food poisoning",
"Not feeling well")
// Initialize Twilio client and send message
client := twilio.NewClient(Account_Sid, Auth_Token, nil)
message := fmt.Sprint("Gonna work from home...", reasons[rand.Intn(len(reasons))])
params := twilio.MessageParams{
Body: message,
}
s, resp, err := client.Messages.Send(my_number, boss_number, params)
if err == nil {
log.Fatal(s, resp, err)
}
}
================================================
FILE: go/smack_my_bitch_up.go
================================================
package main
import (
"fmt"
"math/rand"
"os"
"os/exec"
"strings"
"time"
)
func main() {
output1, err := exec.Command("who").Output()
output2 := os.Getenv("USER")
users := string(output1[:])
current_user := string(output2[:])
if !strings.Contains(users, current_user) {
return
}
reasons := []string{"Working hard", "Gotta ship this feature", "Someone fucked the system again"}
rand.Seed(time.Now().UTC().UnixNano())
message := "Late at work. " + reasons[rand.Intn(len(reasons))]
TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID := string(os.Getenv("TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID"))
TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN := string(os.Getenv("TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN"))
MY_NUMBER := string(os.Getenv("MY_NUMBER"))
HER_NUMBER := string(os.Getenv("HER_NUMBER"))
response, err := exec.Command("curl", "-fSs", "-u", TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID+":"+TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN, "-d", "From="+MY_NUMBER, "-d", "To="+HER_NUMBER, "-d", "Body="+message, "https://api.twilio.com/2010-04-01/Accounts/"+TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID+"/Messages").Output()
if err != nil {
fmt.Printf("Failed to send SMS: %s", err)
return
}
fmt.Printf("Message Sent Successfully with response: %s ", response)
}
================================================
FILE: groovy/fucking_coffee.groovy
================================================
@Grab(group='org.hidetake', module='groovy-ssh', version='1.1.8')
@GrabExclude('org.codehaus.groovy:groovy-all')
import org.hidetake.groovy.ssh.Ssh
final def ssh = Ssh.newService()
final def HOST = '10.10.42.42'
final def USER = 'my_username'
final def PASSWORD = '1234'
final def DELAY = 24
ssh.remotes {
webServer {
host = HOST
user = USER
password = PASSWORD
}
}
ssh.run {
session(ssh.remotes.webServer) {
execute 'sys brew'
execute "sleep ${DELAY}s"
execute 'sys pour'
}
}
================================================
FILE: hangover.rb
================================================
#!/usr/bin/env ruby
# Exit early if sessions with my username are found
exit if `who -q`.include? ENV['USER']
require 'dotenv'
require 'twilio-ruby'
Dotenv.load
TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID = ENV['TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID']
TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN = ENV['TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN']
@twilio = Twilio::REST::Client.new TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID, TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN
# Phone numbers
my_number = '+xxx'
number_of_boss = '+xxx'
excuse = [
'Locked out',
'Pipes broke',
'Food poisoning',
'Not feeling well'
].sample
# Send a text message
@twilio.messages.create(
from: my_number, to: number_of_boss,
body: "Gonna work from home. #{excuse}"
)
# Log this
puts "Message sent at: #{Time.now} | Excuse: #{excuse}"
================================================
FILE: hangover.sh
================================================
#!/bin/sh -e
# Exit early if any session with my username is found
if who | grep -wq $USER; then
exit
fi
# Phone numbers
MY_NUMBER='+xxx'
NUMBER_OF_BOSS='+xxx'
EXCUSES=(
'Locked out'
'Pipes broke'
'Food poisoning'
'Not feeling well'
)
rand=$[ $RANDOM % ${#EXCUSES[@]} ]
RANDOM_EXCUSE=${EXCUSES[$rand]}
MESSAGE="Gonna work from home. "$RANDOM_EXCUSE
# Send a text message
RESPONSE=`curl -fSs -u "$TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID:$TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN" \
-d "From=$MY_NUMBER" -d "To=$NUMBER_OF_BOSS" -d "Body=$MESSAGE" \
"https://api.twilio.com/2010-04-01/Accounts/$TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID/Messages"`
# Log errors
if [ $? -gt 0 ]; then
echo "Failed to send SMS: $RESPONSE"
exit 1
fi
================================================
FILE: java/FuckingCoffee.java
================================================
import java.net.*;
import java.io.*;
public class FuckingCoffee{
private static final String MY_USERNAME = "my_username";
private static final String PASSWORD_PROMPT = "Password: ";
private static final String PASSWORD = "1234";
private static final String COFFEE_MACHINE_IP = "10.10.42.42";
private static int DELAY_BEFORE_BREW = 17;
private static int DELAY = 24;
public static void main(String[] args)throws Exception{
for(int i = 1; i< args.length ; i++){
if(!args[i].contains(MY_USERNAME)){
return;
}
}
Socket telnet = new Socket(COFFEE_MACHINE_IP, 23);
PrintWriter out = new PrintWriter(telnet.getOutputStream(), true);
BufferedReader in = new BufferedReader(new InputStreamReader(telnet.getInputStream()));
Thread.sleep(DELAY_BEFORE_BREW*1000);
if(!in.readLine().equals(PASSWORD_PROMPT)){
return ;
}
out.println(PASSWORD);
out.println("sys brew");
Thread.sleep(DELAY*1000);
out.println("sys pour");
out.close();
in.close();
telnet.close();
}
}
================================================
FILE: java/Hangover.java
================================================
import com.twilio.sdk.TwilioRestClient;
import com.twilio.sdk.TwilioRestException;
import com.twilio.sdk.resource.factory.MessageFactory;
import com.twilio.sdk.resource.instance.Message;
import org.apache.http.NameValuePair;
import org.apache.http.message.BasicNameValuePair;
import java.util.ArrayList;
import java.util.List;
import java.util.Random;
public class Hangover {
public static final String ACCOUNT_SID = System.getenv("TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID");
public static final String AUTH_TOKEN = System.getenv("TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN");
public static final String YOUR_NUMBER = "1231231231";
public static final String BOSS_NUMBER = "3213213213";
public static void main(String[] args) throws TwilioRestException {
TwilioRestClient client = new TwilioRestClient(ACCOUNT_SID, AUTH_TOKEN);
String[] randomMessages = {
"Locked out",
"Pipes broke",
"Food poisoning",
"Not feeling well"
};
int randomIndex = new Random().nextInt(randomMessages.length);
String finalMessage = (randomMessages[randomIndex]);
List<NameValuePair> params = new ArrayList<NameValuePair>();
params.add(new BasicNameValuePair("Body", "Gonna work from home. " + finalMessage));
params.add(new BasicNameValuePair("From", YOUR_NUMBER));
params.add(new BasicNameValuePair("To", BOSS_NUMBER));
MessageFactory messageFactory = client.getAccount().getMessageFactory();
Message message = messageFactory.create(params);
System.out.println(message.getSid());
}
}
================================================
FILE: java/KumarAsshole.java
================================================
import java.io.File;
import java.io.FileInputStream;
import java.util.*;
import java.util.regex.*;
import javax.mail.*;
import javax.mail.internet.*;
import javax.mail.search.FlagTerm;
//Dependencies- Java mail API
public class KumarAsshole {
public static void main(String[] args) {
KumarAsshole asshole = new KumarAsshole();
asshole.read();
}
public void read() {
Properties props = new Properties();
//modify below properties to your details
String host = "smtp.gmail.com";
String username = "yourmailaddress@example.com goes here";
String password = "your password goes here ";
String Kumar_mail = "the mail address to be replied to !";
try {
Session session = Session.getDefaultInstance(props, null);
Store store = session.getStore("imaps");
store.connect(host, username, password);
Folder inbox = store.getFolder("inbox");
inbox.open(Folder.READ_ONLY);
Message messages[] = inbox.search(new FlagTerm(new Flags(Flags.Flag.SEEN), false));
for (int i = 0; i < messages.length; i++) {
if (messages[i].getFrom()[0].toString().contains(Kumar_mail)) {
String bodytext = null;
Object content = messages[i].getContent();
if (content instanceof String) {
bodytext = (String) content;
} else if (content instanceof Multipart) {
Multipart mp = (Multipart) content;
BodyPart bp = mp.getBodyPart(mp.getCount() - 1);
bodytext = (String) bp.getContent();
}
Pattern pattern = Pattern.compile("sorry|help|wrong", Pattern.CASE_INSENSITIVE);
Matcher matcher = pattern.matcher(bodytext);
// check all occurance
if (matcher.find()) {
Properties props1 = new Properties();
Address[] tomail;
MimeMessage msg = new MimeMessage(session);
msg.setFrom(new InternetAddress(username));
tomail = messages[i].getFrom();
String t1 = tomail[0].toString();
msg.addRecipient(Message.RecipientType.TO, new InternetAddress(t1));
msg.setSubject("Database fixes");
msg.setText("No problem. I've fixed it. \n\n Please be careful next time.");
Transport t = null;
t = session.getTransport("smtps");
t.connect(host, username, password);
t.sendMessage(msg, msg.getAllRecipients());
}
}
}
inbox.close(true);
store.close();
} catch(Exception e) {
e.printStackTrace();
}
}
}
================================================
FILE: java/SmackMyBitch.java
================================================
import com.twilio.sdk.TwilioRestClient;
import com.twilio.sdk.TwilioRestException;
import com.twilio.sdk.resource.factory.MessageFactory;
import com.twilio.sdk.resource.instance.Message;
import org.apache.http.NameValuePair;
import org.apache.http.message.BasicNameValuePair;
import java.util.ArrayList;
import java.util.List;
import java.util.Random;
//Pre-requisite apache http and twilio java libraries
public class SmackMyBitch {
public static final String ACCOUNT_SID = System.getenv("TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID");
public static final String AUTH_TOKEN = System.getenv("TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN");
public static final String YOUR_NUMBER = "1231231231";
public static final String HER_NUMBER = "3213213213";
public static void main(String[] args) throws TwilioRestException {
TwilioRestClient client = new TwilioRestClient(ACCOUNT_SID, AUTH_TOKEN);
String[] randomMessages = {
"Working hard",
"Gotta ship this feature",
"Someone fucked the system again",
};
int randomIndex = new Random().nextInt(randomMessages.length);
String finalMessage = (randomMessages[randomIndex]);
List<NameValuePair> params = new ArrayList<NameValuePair>();
params.add(new BasicNameValuePair("Body", "Late at work. " + finalMessage));
params.add(new BasicNameValuePair("From", YOUR_NUMBER));
params.add(new BasicNameValuePair("To", HER_NUMBER));
MessageFactory messageFactory = client.getAccount().getMessageFactory();
Message message = messageFactory.create(params);
System.out.println(message.getSid());
}
}
================================================
FILE: kotlin/FuckingCoffee.kt
================================================
import java.io.BufferedReader
import java.io.InputStreamReader
import java.io.PrintWriter
import java.net.Socket
private const val MY_USERNAME = "my_username"
private const val PASSWORD_PROMPT = "Password: "
private const val PASSWORD = "1234"
private const val COFFEE_MACHINE_IP = "10.10.42.42"
private const val DELAY_BEFORE_BREW = 17
private const val DELAY = 24
fun main(args: Array<String>) {
for (i in 1 until args.size) {
if (!args[i].contains(MY_USERNAME)) {
return
}
}
val telnet = Socket(COFFEE_MACHINE_IP, 23)
val out = PrintWriter(telnet.getOutputStream(), true)
val reader = BufferedReader(InputStreamReader(telnet.getInputStream()))
Thread.sleep((DELAY_BEFORE_BREW * 1000).toLong())
if (reader.readLine() != PASSWORD_PROMPT) {
return
}
out.println(PASSWORD)
out.println("sys brew")
Thread.sleep((DELAY * 1000).toLong())
out.println("sys pour")
out.close()
reader.close()
telnet.close()
}
================================================
FILE: kotlin/Hangover.kt
================================================
import com.twilio.sdk.TwilioRestClient
import com.twilio.sdk.TwilioRestException
import com.twilio.sdk.resource.factory.MessageFactory
import com.twilio.sdk.resource.instance.Message
import org.apache.http.NameValuePair
import org.apache.http.message.BasicNameValuePair
import java.util.ArrayList
import java.util.Random
private val ACCOUNT_SID = System.getenv("TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID")
private val AUTH_TOKEN = System.getenv("TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN")
private const val YOUR_NUMBER = "1231231231"
private const val BOSS_NUMBER = "3213213213"
private val randomMessages = arrayOf(
"Locked out",
"Pipes broke",
"Food poisoning",
"Not feeling well"
)
fun main() {
val client = TwilioRestClient(ACCOUNT_SID, AUTH_TOKEN)
val finalMessage = randomMessages.random()
val params = ArrayList<NameValuePair>().apply {
add(BasicNameValuePair("Body", "Gonna work from home. $finalMessage"))
add(BasicNameValuePair("From", YOUR_NUMBER))
add(BasicNameValuePair("To", BOSS_NUMBER))
}
val messageFactory = client.getAccount().getMessageFactory()
val message = messageFactory.create(params)
System.out.println(message.getSid())
}
================================================
FILE: kotlin/KumarAsshole.kt
================================================
import java.io.File
import java.io.FileInputStream
import java.util.*
import java.util.regex.*
import javax.mail.*
import javax.mail.internet.*
import javax.mail.search.FlagTerm
//modify below properties to your details
private const val host = "smtp.gmail.com"
private const val username = "yourmailaddress@example.com goes here"
private const val password = "your password goes here "
private const val Kumar_mail = "the mail address to be replied to !"
//Dependencies- Java mail API
fun main() {
val asshole = KumarAsshole()
asshole.read()
}
object KumarAsshole {
fun read() {
val props = Properties()
try {
val session = Session.getDefaultInstance(props, null)
val store = session.getStore("imaps")
store.connect(host, username, password)
val inbox = store.getFolder("inbox")
inbox.open(Folder.READ_ONLY)
val messages = inbox.search(FlagTerm(Flags(Flags.Flag.SEEN), false))
for (i in messages.indices) {
if (messages[i].getFrom()[0].toString().contains(Kumar_mail)) {
var bodytext: String? = null
val content = messages[i].getContent()
if (content is String) {
bodytext = content
} else if (content is Multipart) {
val mp = content as Multipart
val bp = mp.getBodyPart(mp.getCount() - 1)
bodytext = bp.getContent()
}
val pattern = Pattern.compile("sorry|help|wrong", Pattern.CASE_INSENSITIVE)
val matcher = pattern.matcher(bodytext!!)
// check all occurance
if (matcher.find()) {
val props1 = Properties()
val tomail: Array<Address>
val msg = MimeMessage(session)
msg.setFrom(InternetAddress(username))
tomail = messages[i].getFrom()
val t1 = tomail[0].toString()
msg.addRecipient(Message.RecipientType.TO, InternetAddress(t1))
msg.setSubject("Database fixes")
msg.setText("No problem. I've fixed it. \n\n Please be careful next time.")
var t: Transport? = null
t = session.getTransport("smtps")
t!!.connect(host, username, password)
t!!.sendMessage(msg, msg.getAllRecipients())
}
}
}
inbox.close(true)
store.close()
} catch (e: Exception) {
e.printStackTrace()
}
}
}
================================================
FILE: kotlin/SmackMyBitch.kt
================================================
import com.twilio.sdk.TwilioRestClient
import com.twilio.sdk.TwilioRestException
import com.twilio.sdk.resource.factory.MessageFactory
import com.twilio.sdk.resource.instance.Message
import org.apache.http.NameValuePair
import org.apache.http.message.BasicNameValuePair
import java.util.ArrayList
import java.util.Random
//Pre-requisite apache http and twilio java libraries
private const val ACCOUNT_SID = System.getenv("TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID")
private const val AUTH_TOKEN = System.getenv("TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN")
private const val YOUR_NUMBER = "1231231231"
private const val HER_NUMBER = "3213213213"
private val randomMessages = arrayOf(
"Working hard",
"Gotta ship this feature",
"Someone fucked the system again"
)
@Throws(TwilioRestException::class)
fun main() {
val client = TwilioRestClient(ACCOUNT_SID, AUTH_TOKEN)
val finalMessage = randomMessages.random()
val params = mutableListOf<NameValuePair>().apply {
add(BasicNameValuePair("Body", "Late at work. $finalMessage"))
add(BasicNameValuePair("From", YOUR_NUMBER))
add(BasicNameValuePair("To", HER_NUMBER))
}
val messageFactory = client.getAccount().getMessageFactory()
val message = messageFactory.create(params)
System.out.println(message.getSid())
}
================================================
FILE: kumar-asshole.sh
================================================
#!/bin/sh
#
# Requires kumar_asshole script in your bin
#
exec kumar_asshole
================================================
FILE: kumar_asshole.rb
================================================
#!/usr/bin/env ruby
require 'dotenv'
require 'gmail'
Dotenv.load
GMAIL_USERNAME = ENV['GMAIL_USERNAME']
GMAIL_PASSWORD = ENV['GMAIL_PASSWORD']
GMAIL = Gmail.connect(GMAIL_USERNAME, GMAIL_PASSWORD)
KUMARS_EMAIL = 'kumar.a@example.com'
DB_NAME_REGEX = /\S+_staging/
KEYWORDS_REGEX = /sorry|help|wrong/i
def create_reply(subject)
GMAIL.compose do
to KUMARS_EMAIL
subject "RE: #{subject}"
body "No problem. I've fixed it. \n\n Please be careful next time."
end
end
GMAIL.inbox.find(:unread, from: KUMARS_EMAIL).each do |email|
if email.body.raw_source[KEYWORDS_REGEX] && (db_name = email.body.raw_source[DB_NAME_REGEX])
backup_file = "/home/backups/databases/#{db_name}-" + (Date.today - 1).strftime('%Y%m%d') + '.gz'
abort 'ERROR: Backup file not found' unless File.exist?(backup_file)
# Restore DB
`gunzip -c #{backup_file} | psql #{db_name}`
# Mark as read, add label and reply
email.read!
email.label('Database fixes')
reply = create_reply(email.subject)
GMAIL.deliver(reply)
end
end
================================================
FILE: nodejs/fucking_coffee.js
================================================
#!/usr/bin/env node
/* Before running:
npm install telnet-client
*/
var exec = require('child_process').exec;
var telnet = require('telnet-client');
var me = 'my_username';
exec("who", function(error, stdout, stderr) {
// Exit if no sessions with my username are found
if(stdout.indexOf(me) == -1)
process.exit(/*1*/);
var coffee_machine_ip = 'xxx.xxx.xxx.xxx';
var password = 'xxxx';
var con = new telnet();
con.on('ready', function(prompt) {
con.exec('Password: ' + password, function(error, res) {
// Brew Coffee!
con.exec('sys brew', function(error, res) {
// Wait for 24s
setTimeout(function() {
// Pour Coffee!
con.exec('sys pour', function(error, res) {
con.end();
});
}, 24000);
});
});
});
con.connect({host: coffee_machine_ip});
});
================================================
FILE: nodejs/fucking_coffee_yo_server.js
================================================
#!/usr/bin/env node
/* Before running:
Setup Yo Callback URL and Yo username for coffee machine:
http://docs.justyo.co/docs/receiving-a-yo-with-the-api
*/
var exec = require('child_process').exec;
var telnet = require('telnet-client');
var ME = 'my_username';
var AUTHORIZED_YO_NAMES = [ME];
var COFFEE_MACHINE_YO_NAME = 'coffeemachine';
// These should be same as what you set up in the Yo API
var CALLBACK_URL = 'http://xxx.com';
var CALLBACK_ENDPOINT = '/coffeemachine';
var PORT = '3000';
exec("who -q", function(error, stdout, stderr) {
var express = require('express');
var coffeeApp = express();
// Exit if no sessions with my username are found
if(stdout.indexOf(ME) == -1)
process.exit(1);
// Got a Yo!
coffeeApp.get(CALLBACK_ENDPOINT, function (req, res) {
if(req.query.username === undefined) {
// Not a Yo, don't make coffee.
res.sendStatus(401);
}
else if(AUTHORIZED_YO_NAMES.indexOf(req.query.username) == -1) {
// If authorized users didn't Yo, don't make coffee.
res.sendStatus(401);
console.log(req.query.username + ' YO\'d.')
}
else {
res.sendStatus(200);
var coffee_machine_ip = 'xxx.xxx.xxx.xxx';
var password = 'xxxx';
var con = new telnet();
con.on('ready', function(prompt) {
con.exec('Password: ' + password, function(error, res) {
// Brew Coffee!
con.exec('sys brew', function(error, res) {
// Wait for 24s
setTimeout(function() {
// Pour Coffee!
con.exec('sys pour', function(error, res) {
con.end();
});
}, 24000);
});
});
});
con.connect({host: coffee_machine_ip});
}
});
// Not Callback endpoint
coffeeApp.get('/*', function (req, res) {
res.sendStatus(404);
});
var coffeeServer = coffeeApp.listen(PORT, CALLBACK_URL, function() {
console.log('Coffee Server listening at %s:%s',
CALLBACK_URL, PORT);
console.log('\nYo Callback URL: %s:%s/%s',
CALLBACK_URL, PORT, CALLBACK_ENDPOINT);
});
});
================================================
FILE: nodejs/hangover.js
================================================
#!/usr/bin/env node
/* Before running:
npm install twilio
*/
var exec = require('child_process').exec;
var me = 'my_username';
exec("who -q", function(error, stdout, stderr) {
// Exit if sessions with my username are found
if(stdout.indexOf(me) > -1)
process.exit(1);
var TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID = process.env['TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID'];
var TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN = process.env['TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN'];
// Phone numbers
var MY_NUMBER = '+xxx';
var BOSS_NUMBER = '+xxx';
// Excuses
var excuses = [
'Locked out',
'Pipes broke',
'Food poisoning',
'Not feeling well'
];
// Generate BS message
var excuse = excuses[Math.floor(Math.random() * excuses.length)];
var textMessage = 'Gonna work from home. ' + excuse;
var client = require('twilio')(TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID, TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN);
// Shoot text
client.messages.create({
body: textMessage,
to: BOSS_NUMBER,
from: MY_NUMBER
}, function(error, message) {
if(error)
console.log('Failed to send SMS: ' + error.message);
else {
var currentdate = new Date();
console.log('Message sent at: '+ (currentdate.getMonth() + 1) + '/'
+ currentdate.getDate() + '/'
+ currentdate.getFullYear() + ' '
+ currentdate.getHours() + ':'
+ currentdate.getMinutes() + ':'
+ currentdate.getSeconds() + '| Excuse: ' + excuse);
}
});
});
================================================
FILE: nodejs/kumar_asshole.js
================================================
#!/usr/bin/env node
/* Before running:
npm install nodemailer
npm install imap
I realize this is long. IMAP can only fetch emails and nodemailer can only
send. Could try implementing with Gmail Node API later.
*/
var GMAIL_USERNAME = process.env['GMAIL_USERNAME'];
var GMAIL_PASSWORD = process.env['GMAIL_PASSWORD'];
var KUMAR_EMAIL = 'kumar.asshole@example.com';
var EMAIL = 'No worries mate, be careful next time';
// Scan for unread email from Kumar
var Imap = require('imap');
var imap = new Imap({
user: GMAIL_USERNAME,
password: GMAIL_PASSWORD,
host: 'imap.gmail.com',
port: 993,
tls: true,
tlsOptions: { rejectUnauthorized: false }
});
function openInbox(cb) {
imap.openBox('INBOX', false, cb);
}
imap.once('ready', function() {
openInbox(function(err, box) {
if (err)
process.exit(1);
imap.search(['UNSEEN', ['FROM', KUMAR_EMAIL]],
function(err, results) {
if (err)
process.exit(1);
// RegEx search for keywords; ignore case
var kumarPattern = new RegExp(/sorry|help|wrong/i);
// IMAP dumps all headers, so need to parse and get email body
var MailParser = require("mailparser").MailParser;
var f = imap.fetch(results, {bodies: ''});
f.on('message', function(msg, seqno) {
msg.on('body', function(stream, info) {
var kumarEmail = "";
stream.on('data', function(chunk) {
kumarEmail += chunk.toString('utf8');
});
stream.once('end', function() {
var mailparser = new MailParser();
mailparser.on("end", function(mail_object){
// If the RegEx matches
if(mail_object.text.match(kumarPattern)) {
// Shoot email to Kumar!
var nodemailer = require('nodemailer');
// create reusable transporter object using SMTP transport
var transporter = nodemailer.createTransport({
service: 'Gmail',
auth: {
user: GMAIL_USERNAME,
pass: GMAIL_PASSWORD
}
});
// setup e-mail data
var mailOptions = {
from: GMAIL_USERNAME,
to: KUMAR_EMAIL,
subject: 'Database Fixes',
text: EMAIL
};
// send mail with defined transport object
transporter.sendMail(mailOptions, function(error, info) {
if(error)
process.exit(1)
});
}
});
mailparser.write(kumarEmail);
mailparser.end();
});
});
msg.once('end', function() {
// Fetched all unread from kumar
});
});
f.once('error', function(err) {
process.exit(1);
});
f.once('end', function() {
imap.end();
});
});
});
});
imap.connect();
================================================
FILE: nodejs/smack_my_bitch_up.js
================================================
#!/usr/bin/env node
/* Before running:
npm install twilio
*/
var exec = require('child_process').exec;
var me = 'my_username';
exec("who -q", function(error, stdout, stderr) {
// Exit if no sessions with my username are found
if(stdout.indexOf(me) == -1)
process.exit(1);
var TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID = process.env['TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID'];
var TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN = process.env['TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN'];
// Phone numbers
var MY_NUMBER = '+xxx';
var HER_NUMBER = '+xxx';
// Reasons
var reasons = [
'Working hard',
'Gotta ship this feature',
'Someone fucked the system again'
];
// Generate BS message
var reason = reasons[Math.floor(Math.random() * reasons.length)];
var textMessage = 'Late at work. ' + reason;
var client = require('twilio')(TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID, TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN);
// Shoot text
client.messages.create({
body: textMessage,
to: HER_NUMBER,
from: MY_NUMBER
}, function(error, message) {
if(error)
console.log('Failed to send SMS: ' + error.message);
else {
var currentdate = new Date();
console.log('Message sent at: '+ (currentdate.getMonth() + 1) + '/'
+ currentdate.getDate() + '/'
+ currentdate.getFullYear() + ' '
+ currentdate.getHours() + ':'
+ currentdate.getMinutes() + ':'
+ currentdate.getSeconds() + '| Excuse: ' + reason);
}
});
});
================================================
FILE: perl/fucking-coffee.pl
================================================
#!/usr/bin/perl
use strict;
use warnings;
use DateTime;
use YAML;
use Net::Telnet;
# Config
my $conf = Load( <<'...' );
---
coffee_machine_ip: 10.10.42.42
password: 1234
password_prompt: Password:
delay_before_brew: 17
delay: 24
...
# Skip on weekends
my $date = DateTime->now;
if ( $date->day_of_week >= 6 ) {
exit;
}
# Exit early if no sessions with my username are found
open( my $cmd_who, '-|', 'who' ) || die "Cannot pipe who command ". $!;
my @sessions = grep {
m/$ENV{'USER'}/
} <$cmd_who>;
close $cmd_who;
exit if ( scalar( @sessions ) == 0 );
sleep $conf->{'delay_before_brew'};
my $con = Net::Telnet->new(
'Host' => $conf->{'coffee_machine_ip'},
);
$con->watifor( $conf->{'password_prompt'} );
$con->cmd( $conf->{'password'} );
$con->cmd( 'sys brew' );
sleep $conf->{'delay'};
$con->cmd( 'sys pour' );
$con->close;
================================================
FILE: perl/hangover.pl
================================================
#!/usr/bin/perl
use strict;
use warnings;
use DateTime;
use SMS::Send;
use YAML;
# Config
my $conf = Load( <<'...' );
---
phone_numbers:
my_number: +15005550006
boss_number: +xxx
reasons:
- Locked out
- Pipes broke
- Food poisoning
- Not feeling well
...
my $date = DateTime->now;
# Skip on weekends
if ( $date->day_of_week >= 6 ) {
exit;
}
# Exit early if no sessions with my username are found
open( my $cmd_who, '-|', 'who' ) || die "Cannot pipe who command ". $!;
my @sessions = grep {
m/$ENV{'USER'}/
} <$cmd_who>;
close $cmd_who;
exit if ( scalar( @sessions ) == 0 );
# Load Twilio API config
open( my $env, '<', '../.env' ) || die "Cannot find .env file in project root.";
LINE: while ( my $line = <$env> ) {
next LINE unless ( $line =~ m/^(TWILIO[^=]+)=(.*)(?:[\n\r]*)/ );
$conf->{'env'}->{ $1 } = $2;
}
close $env;
# Randomize excuse
my $reason_number = int( rand( scalar( @{ $conf->{'reasons'} } ) ) );
my $sms_text = "Gonna work from home. ". $conf->{'reasons'}[ $reason_number ];
# Create an object. There are three required values:
my $sender = SMS::Send->new('Twilio',
_accountsid => $conf->{'env'}->{'TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID'},
_authtoken => $conf->{'env'}->{'TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN'},
_from => $conf->{'phone_numbers'}->{'my_number'},
);
# Send a message to me
my $sent = $sender->send_sms(
text => $sms_text,
to => $conf->{'phone_numbers'}->{'boss_number'},
);
# Did it send?
if ( $sent ) {
print "Sent message.\n";
} else {
print "Message failed.\n";
}
================================================
FILE: perl/kumar-asshole.pl
================================================
#!/usr/bin/perl
use strict;
use warnings;
use YAML;
use DateTime;
use Mail::Webmail::Gmail;
# Config
my $conf = Load( <<'...' );
---
kumar_mail: kumar.a@example.com
database_regex: \S+_staging
keywords_regex: sorry|help|wrong
backup_path: /home/backups/databases/
...
$conf->{'database_regex'} = qr/ ( $conf->{'database_regex'} ) /x;
$conf->{'keywords_regex'} = qr/ ( $conf->{'keywords_regex'} ) /x;
my $date = DateTime->now->subtract(
'days' => 1
);
# Load GMail API config
open( my $env, '<', '../.env' ) || die "Cannot find .env file in project root.";
LINE: while ( my $line = <$env> ) {
next LINE unless ( $line =~ m/^(GMAIL[^=]+)=(.*)(?:[\n\r]*)/ );
$conf->{'env'}->{ $1 } = $2;
}
close $env;
my $gmail = Mail::Webmail::Gmail->new(
username => $conf->{'env'}->{'GMAIL_USERNAME'},
password => $conf->{'env'}->{'GMAIL_PASSWORD'},
encrypt_session => 1,
);
my $messages = $gmail->get_messages( label => $Mail::Webmail::Gmail::FOLDERS{ 'INBOX' } );
die "Cannot fetch emails: ". $gmail->error_msg();
MESSAGE: foreach my $message ( @{ $messages } ) {
unless (
( $message->{ 'new' } )
&& ( $message->{'sender_email'} eq $conf->{'kumars_email'} )
&& ( $message->{'body'} =~ m/$conf->{'keywords_regex'}/ )
&& ( $message->{'body'} =~ m/$conf->{'database_regex'}/ )
) {
print "Skipping mail from=[". $message->{'sender_email'}."] subject=[". $message->{'subject'} ."]\n";
next MESSAGE;
}
exit 1;
my $database = $1;
my $backup_file = $conf->{'backup_path'} . $database .'-'. $date->ymd() .'.gz';
unless ( -f $backup_file ) {
die 'Cannot find backup file=['. $backup_file ."]\n";
}
print 'Restoring database=['. $database .'] from day=['. $date->ymd() .'] from file=['. $backup_file ."]\n";
# Restore DB
system( 'gunzip -c '. $backup_file .' | psql '. $database );
die "Error while restoring the database=[". $database ."] from file=[". $backup_file ."]" if ( $? >> 8 );
# Mark as read, add label, reply
$gmail->edit_labels(
'label' => 'Database fixes',
'action' => 'add',
'msgid' => $message->{'id'}
);
$gmail->send_message(
'to' => $conf->{'kumars_email'},
'subject' => 'RE: '. $message->{'subject'},
'msgbody' => "No problem. I've fixed it. \n\n Please be careful next time.",
);
$gmail->edit_labels(
'label' => 'unread',
'action' => 'remove',
'msgid' => $message->{'id'}
);
}
================================================
FILE: perl/smack-my-bitch-up.pl
================================================
#!/usr/bin/perl
use strict;
use warnings;
use DateTime;
use SMS::Send;
use YAML;
# Config
my $conf = Load( <<'...' );
---
phone_numbers:
my_number: +15005550006
her_number: +xxx
reasons:
- Working hard
- Gotta ship this feature
- Someone fucked the system again
...
my $date = DateTime->now;
# Skip on weekends
if ( $date->day_of_week >= 6 ) {
exit;
}
# Exit early if no sessions with my username are found
open( my $cmd_who, '-|', 'who' ) || die "Cannot pipe who command ". $!;
my @sessions = grep {
m/$ENV{'USER'}/
} <$cmd_who>;
close $cmd_who;
exit if ( scalar( @sessions ) == 0 );
# Load Twilio API config
open( my $env, '<', '../.env' ) || die "Cannot find .env file in project root.";
LINE: while ( my $line = <$env> ) {
next LINE unless ( $line =~ m/^(TWILIO[^=]+)=(.*)(?:[\n\r]*)/ );
$conf->{'env'}->{ $1 } = $2;
}
close $env;
# Randomize excuse
my $reason_number = int( rand( scalar( @{ $conf->{'reasons'} } ) ) );
my $sms_text = "Late at work. ". $conf->{'reasons'}[ $reason_number ];
# Create an object. There are three required values:
my $sender = SMS::Send->new('Twilio',
_accountsid => $conf->{'env'}->{'TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID'},
_authtoken => $conf->{'env'}->{'TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN'},
_from => $conf->{'phone_numbers'}->{'my_number'},
);
# Send a message to me
my $sent = $sender->send_sms(
text => $sms_text,
to => $conf->{'phone_numbers'}->{'her_number'},
);
# Did it send?
if ( $sent ) {
print "Sent message.\n";
} else {
print "Message failed.\n";
}
================================================
FILE: php/composer.json
================================================
{
"require": {
"bestnetwork/telnet": "^1.0",
"vlucas/phpdotenv": "^2.0",
"twilio/sdk": "^4.6"
}
}
================================================
FILE: php/fucking_coffee.php
================================================
#!/usr/bin/env php
<?php
require 'vendor/autoload.php';
use Bestnetwork\Telnet\TelnetClient;
(strpos(exec('who'), getenv('USER')) !== false) or exit('no session');
sleep(17);
$con = new TelnetClient('10.10.42.42');
$con->execute('1234', 'Password: ');
$con->execute('sys brew');
sleep(24);
$con->execute('sys pour');
================================================
FILE: php/hangover.php
================================================
#!/usr/bin/env php
<?php
require 'vendor/autoload.php';
(new Dotenv\Dotenv(__DIR__))->load();
(strpos(exec('who'), getenv('USER')) === false) or exit('session found');
$my_number = '+xxx';
$number_of_boss = '+xxx';
$excuse = ['Locked out', 'Pipes broke', 'Food poisoning', 'Not feeling well'];
$excuse = $excuse[array_rand($excuse)];
$twilio = new Services_Twilio(getenv('TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID'), getenv('TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN'));
$twilio->account->messages->sendMessage(
$my_number,
$number_of_boss,
"Gonna work from home. {$excuse}"
);
echo "Message sent at: #".date('Y-m-d')." | Excuse: {$excuse}";
================================================
FILE: php/smack_my_bitch_up.php
================================================
#!/usr/bin/env php
<?php
require 'vendor/autoload.php';
(new Dotenv\Dotenv(__DIR__))->load();
(strpos(exec('who'), getenv('USER')) !== false) or exit('no session');
// Phone numbers
$my_number = '+xxx';
$her_number = '+xxx';
$reasons = [
'Working hard',
'Gotta ship this feature',
'Someone fucked up the system again'
];
$rand = rand(0,count($reasons)-1);
$random_reason = $reasons[$rand];
$message = 'Late at work. '.$random_reason;
// Send a text message
$twilio = new Services_Twilio(getenv('TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID'), getenv('TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN'));
$twilio->account->messages->sendMessage(
$my_number,
$her_number,
$message
);
echo 'Message sent at: #'.date('Y-m-d').' | Reason: '.$random_reason;
================================================
FILE: powershell/fucking_coffee.psm1
================================================
<#
.SYNOPSIS
Simple script to connect to a coffee part using TelNet then issue specific commands that
brew and pour a cup of coffee for the user.
.DESCRIPTION
This script was converted using the ruby version of the fucking_coffee script. In this script,
I left the use of environment variables since its only use was to determine if the user was
still logged in to the system. Per issue #42 (https://github.com/NARKOZ/hacker-scripts/issues/42)
I left the password string hard coded until a decision is made by NARKOZ, the project owner, as
to how the information should be stored.
.OUTPUT
None
.NOTES
Author: Tyler Hughes
Twitter: @thughesIT
Blog: http://tylerhughes.info/
Changelog:
1.0 Initial Release
#>
Function Fucking-Coffee
{
# Exit early if no sessions with my username are found
if ($env:Username.Count > 0) {
return
}
$coffee_machine_ip = '10.10.42.42'
$password = '1234'
Start-Sleep -s 17
$socket = New-Object System.Net.Sockets.TcpClient($coffee_machine_ip)
if ($socket) {
$stream = $connection.GetStream()
$Writer = New-Object System.IO.StreamWriter($Stream)
$Buffer = New-Object System.Byte[] 1024
$Encoding = New-Object System.Text.AsciiEncoding
# Start issuing the commands
Send-TelNetCommands($Writer, $password, 1)
Send-TelNetCommands($Writer, "sys brew", 24)
Send-TelNetCommands($Writer, "sys pour", 4)
$socket.Close()
}
}
Function Send-TelNetCommands
{
Param (
[Parameter(ValueFromPipeline=$false)]
[System.IO.StreamWriter]$writer,
[String]$command,
[int]$WaitTime
)
$writer.WriteLine($command)
$writer.Flush()
Start-Sleep -Milliseconds $WaitTime
}
================================================
FILE: powershell/hangover.psm1
================================================
<#
.SYNOPSIS
Simple script to SMS a supervisor informing them you will be working from home
on the day this script is used.
.DESCRIPTION
This script was converted using the ruby version of the hangover script. However, the ruby
version used environment variables to hold the user's account information. Due to issue #42
(https://github.com/NARKOZ/hacker-scripts/issues/42) I opted to hard code the strings at
this time until a decision is made by NARKOZ, the project owner, as the how the information
should be stored.
This script also uses Twilio to send the SMS messages. The from number MUST be a valid Twilio
phone number. The to number can be any outgoing number.
.OUTPUT
This script will output an error message to the PowerShell window if it fails
to send the message.
.NOTES
Author: Tyler Hughes
Twitter: @thughesIT
Blog: http://tylerhughes.info/
Changelog:
1.0 Initial Release
#>
Function Hangover
{
# Phone numbers (Must include country code and area code)
$from = '+XXXXXXXXXXX'
$to = '+XXXXXXXXXXX'
# Twilio API Information
$twilio_base_url = 'https://api.twilio.com/2010-04-01'
$twilio_account_sid = 'XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX'
$twilio_auth_token = 'XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX'
$password = ConvertTo-SecureString -AsPlainText $twilio_auth_token -Force
$credentials = New-Object System.Management.Automation.PSCredential($twilio_account_sid, $password)
# Get the message to send
$excuses =
'Locked out',
'Pipes broke',
'Food poisoning',
'Not feeling well'
$excuse = $excuses | Get-Random
$message = "$excuse. Going to work from home today."
$body = @{
From = $from;
To = $to;
Body = $message;
}
# Send the message and log any errors
$uri = "$twilio_base_url/Accounts/" + $credentials.UserName + "/SMS/Messages"
try {
$response = Invoke-RestMethod -Method Post -Uri $uri -Body $body -Credential $credentials
}
catch {
$time = Get-Date -format u
Write-Host $time " - Failed to send message: " $message
}
}
================================================
FILE: powershell/smack_my_bitch_up.ps1
================================================
$DAYOFWEEK = (Get-Date).DayOfWeek.value__;
# Skip on weekends
if ($DAYOFWEEK -eq 6 -or $DAYOFWEEK -eq 7) {
return
}
# Exit early if no sessions with my username are found
if (-not (QWINSTA | FINDSTR $env:USERNAME)) {
return
}
# Phone numbers
$MY_NUMBER='+xxx'
$HER_NUMBER='+xxx'
$REASONS =
'Working hard',
'Gotta ship this feature',
'Someone fucked the system again'
$reason = $REASONS | Get-Random
$message = "Late at work. $reason."
$API_URL = "https://api.twilio.com/2010-04-01/Accounts/$env:TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID/Messages"
$BASE64AUTHINFO = [Convert]::ToBase64String([Text.Encoding]::ASCII.GetBytes(("{0}:{1}" -f $env:TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID,$env:TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN)))
$body = @{
From = $MY_NUMBER;
To = $HER_NUMBER;
Body = $message;
}
#Send a text message and Log errors
try{
Invoke-RestMethod -Method Post -Headers @{Authorization=("Basic {0}" -f $BASE64AUTHINFO)} $API_URL -Body $body > $null
}
catch{
Write-Host "Failed to send SMS: $_"
}
================================================
FILE: python/fucking_coffee.py
================================================
#!/usr/bin/env python
import sys
import subprocess
import telnetlib
import time
# exit if no sessions with my username are found
output = subprocess.check_output('who')
if 'my_username' not in output:
sys.exit()
time.sleep(17)
coffee_machine_ip = '10.10.42.42'
password = '1234'
password_prompt = 'Password: '
con = telnetlib.Telnet(coffee_machine_ip)
con.read_until(password_prompt)
con.write(password + "\n")
# Make some coffee!
con.write("sys brew\n")
time.sleep(24)
# love the smell!
con.write("sys pour\n")
con.close()
================================================
FILE: python/hangover.py
================================================
#!/usr/bin/env python
import os
import random
from twilio.rest import TwilioRestClient
from time import strftime
import subprocess
# exit if sessions with my username are found
output = subprocess.check_output('who')
if 'my_username' in output:
sys.exit()
# returns 'None' if the key doesn't exist
TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID = os.environ.get('TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID')
TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN = os.environ.get('TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN')
# Phone numbers
my_number = '+xxx'
number_of_boss = '+xxx'
excuses = [
'Locked out',
'Pipes broke',
'Food poisoning',
'Not feeling well'
]
client = TwilioRestClient(TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID, TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN)
client.messages.create(
to=number_of_boss,
from_=my_number,
body="Gonna work from home. " + random.choice(excuses)
)
print "Message sent at " + strftime("%a, %d %b %Y %H:%M:%S")
================================================
FILE: python/kumar_asshole.py
================================================
#!/usr/bin/env python
import gmail
import sys
import re
GMAIL_USERNAME = ENV['GMAIL_USERNAME']
GMAIL_PASSWORD = ENV['GMAIL_PASSWORD']
g = gmail.login(GMAIL_USERNAME, GMAIL_PASSWORD)
if not g.logged_in:
sys.exit()
msgs = g.inbox().mail(sender="kumar.a@example.com", unread=True, prefetch=True)
pattern = re.compile("\bsorry\b | \bhelp\b | \bwrong\b ", flags=re.I)
for msg in msgs:
if pattern.match(msg.body):
msg.label("Database fixes")
msg.reply("No problem. I've fixed it. \n\n Please be careful next time.")
================================================
FILE: python/smack_my_bitch_up.py
================================================
#!/usr/bin/env python
import os
import random
from twilio.rest import TwilioRestClient
import subprocess
import sys
from time import strftime
# exit if no sessions with my username are found
output = subprocess.check_output('who')
if 'my_username' not in output:
sys.exit()
# returns 'None' if the key doesn't exist
TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID = os.environ.get('TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID')
TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN = os.environ.get('TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN')
# Phone numbers
my_number = '+xxx'
her_number = '+xxx'
reasons = [
'Working hard',
'Gotta ship this feature',
'Someone fucked the system again'
]
client = TwilioRestClient(TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID, TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN)
client.messages.create(
to=her_number,
from_=my_number,
body="Late at work. " + random.choice(reasons)
)
print "Message sent at " + strftime("%a, %d %b %Y %H:%M:%S")
================================================
FILE: python3/fucking_coffee.py
================================================
#!/usr/bin/env python3
# -*- coding: utf-8 -*-
import telnetlib
import time
from hackerutils import sh
COFFEE_MACHINE_ADDR = '10.10.42.42'
COFFEE_MACHINE_PASS = '1234'
COFFEE_MACHINE_PROM = 'Password: '
def main():
# Exit early if no sessions with my_username are found.
if not any(s.startswith(b'my_username ') for s in sh('who').split(b'\n')):
return
time.sleep(17)
conn = telnetlib.Telnet(host=COFFEE_MACHINE_ADDR)
conn.open()
conn.expect([COFFEE_MACHINE_PROM])
conn.write(COFFEE_MACHINE_PASS)
conn.write('sys brew')
time.sleep(24)
conn.write('sys pour')
conn.close()
if __name__ == '__main__':
main()
================================================
FILE: python3/hackerutils.py
================================================
#!/usr/bin/env python3
# -*- coding: utf-8 -*-
import pathlib
import subprocess
from dotenv import Dotenv
def get_dotenv(filename='.env'):
return Dotenv(str(pathlib.Path(__file__).parent / filename))
def sh(*args):
proc = subprocess.Popen(args, stdout=subprocess.PIPE)
stdout, _ = proc.communicate()
return stdout
def get_log_path(name):
path = pathlib.Path(__file__).parent / 'logs' / name
path.parent.mkdir(parents=True, exist_ok=True)
return path
================================================
FILE: python3/hangover.py
================================================
#!/usr/bin/env python3
# -*- coding: utf-8 -*-
import random
from twilio import TwilioRestException
from twilio.rest import TwilioRestClient
from hackerutils import get_dotenv, get_log_path, sh
dotenv = get_dotenv()
TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID = dotenv['TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID']
TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN = dotenv['TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN']
LOG_FILE_PATH = get_log_path('hangover.txt')
def main():
# Exit early if any session with my_username is found.
if any(s.startswith(b'my_username ') for s in sh('who').split(b'\n')):
return
client = TwilioRestClient(TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID, TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN)
# Phone numbers.
my_number = '+xxx'
number_of_boss = '+xxx'
excuses = [
'Locked out',
'Pipes broke',
'Food poisoning',
'Not feeling well',
]
try:
# Send a text message.
client.messages.create(
to=number_of_boss,
from_=my_number,
body='Gonna work from home. ' + random.choice(excuses),
)
except TwilioRestException as e:
# Log errors.
with LOG_FILE_PATH.open('a') as f:
f.write('Failed to send SMS: {}'.format(e))
raise
if __name__ == '__main__':
main()
================================================
FILE: python3/kumar_asshole.py
================================================
#!/usr/bin/env python3
# -*- coding: utf-8 -*-
import re
import gmail
import yagmail
from hackerutils import get_dotenv
dotenv = get_dotenv()
GMAIL_USERNAME = dotenv['GMAIL_USERNAME']
GMAIL_PASSWORD = dotenv['GMAIL_PASSWORD']
KUMAR_EMAIL = 'kumar.a@example.com'
KEYWORDS_REGEX = re.compile(r'sorry|help|wrong', re.IGNORECASE)
REPLY_BODY = "No problem. I've fixed it. \n\nPlease be careful next time."
yagmail.register(GMAIL_USERNAME, GMAIL_PASSWORD)
def send_reply(subject):
yag = yagmail.SMTP(GMAIL_USERNAME)
yag.send(
to=KUMAR_EMAIL,
subject='RE: {}'.format(subject),
contents=REPLY_BODY,
)
def main():
g = gmail.login(GMAIL_USERNAME, GMAIL_PASSWORD)
for mail in g.inbox().mail(unread=True, sender=KUMAR_EMAIL, prefetch=True):
if KEYWORDS_REGEX.search(mail.body):
# Restore DB and send a reply.
mail.add_label('Database fixes')
send_reply(mail.subject)
if __name__ == '__main__':
main()
================================================
FILE: python3/requirements.txt
================================================
dotenv
twilio
yagmail
git+https://github.com/charlierguo/gmail
================================================
FILE: python3/smack_my_bitch_up.py
================================================
#!/usr/bin/env python3
# -*- coding: utf-8 -*-
import random
from twilio import TwilioRestException
from twilio.rest import TwilioRestClient
from hackerutils import get_dotenv, get_log_path, sh
dotenv = get_dotenv()
TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID = dotenv['TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID']
TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN = dotenv['TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN']
LOG_FILE_PATH = get_log_path('smack_my_bitch_up.txt')
def main():
# Exit early if no sessions with my_username are found.
if not any(s.startswith(b'my_username ') for s in sh('who').split(b'\n')):
return
client = TwilioRestClient(TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID, TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN)
# Phone numbers.
my_number = '+xxx'
her_number = '+xxx'
reasons = [
'Working hard',
'Gotta ship this feature',
'Someone fucked the system again',
]
try:
# Send a text message.
client.messages.create(
to=her_number,
from_=my_number,
body='Late at work. ' + random.choice(reasons),
)
except TwilioRestException as e:
# Log errors.
with LOG_FILE_PATH.open('a') as f:
f.write('Failed to send SMS: {}'.format(e))
raise
if __name__ == '__main__':
main()
================================================
FILE: scala/fucking-coffee.scala
================================================
/*******************************************
*
* Get Ammonite (http://lihaoyi.github.io/Ammonite/#Ammonite-Shell):
* $ mkdir ~/.ammonite; curl -L -o ~/.ammonite/predef.scala http://git.io/vR04f
* $ curl -L -o amm http://git.io/vR08A; chmod +x amm
*
* Run script
* $ ./amm fucking-coffee.scala
*
*******************************************/
import java.net._
import java.io._
import ammonite.ops._
import ammonite.ops.ImplicitWd._
val coffeeMachineIP = "10.10.42.42"
val password = "1234"
val passwordPrompt = "Password: "
val delayBeforeBrew = 17
val delay = 24
if ((%%who "-q").out.string.contains(sys.props("user.name"))) {
val telnet = new Socket(coffeeMachineIP, 23)
val out = new PrintWriter(telnet.getOutputStream, true)
val in = new BufferedReader(new InputStreamReader(telnet.getInputStream))
println(s"Wait for $delayBeforeBrew seconds")
Thread.sleep(delayBeforeBrew * 1000);
if(in.readLine == passwordPrompt){
out.println(password)
out.println("sys brew")
Thread.sleep(delay * 1000)
out.println("sys pour")
}
out.close()
in.close()
telnet.close()
}
================================================
FILE: smack-my-bitch-up.sh
================================================
#!/bin/sh -e
# Exit early if no sessions with my username are found
if ! who | grep -wq $USER; then
exit
fi
# Phone numbers
MY_NUMBER='+xxx'
HER_NUMBER='+xxx'
REASONS=(
'Working hard'
'Gotta ship this feature'
'Someone fucked the system again'
)
rand=$[ $RANDOM % ${#REASONS[@]} ]
RANDOM_REASON=${REASONS[$rand]}
MESSAGE="Late at work. "$RANDOM_REASON
# Send a text message
RESPONSE=`curl -fSs -u "$TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID:$TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN" \
-d "From=$MY_NUMBER" -d "To=$HER_NUMBER" -d "Body=$MESSAGE" \
"https://api.twilio.com/2010-04-01/Accounts/$TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID/Messages"`
# Log errors
if [ $? -gt 0 ]; then
echo "Failed to send SMS: $RESPONSE"
exit 1
fi
================================================
FILE: smack_my_bitch_up.rb
================================================
#!/usr/bin/env ruby
# Exit early if no sessions with my username are found
exit unless `who -q`.include? ENV['USER']
require 'dotenv'
require 'twilio-ruby'
Dotenv.load
TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID = ENV['TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID']
TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN = ENV['TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN']
@twilio = Twilio::REST::Client.new TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID, TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN
# Phone numbers
my_number = '+xxx'
her_number = '+xxx'
reason = [
'Working hard',
'Gotta ship this feature',
'Someone fucked the system again'
].sample
# Send a text message
@twilio.messages.create(
from: my_number, to: her_number, body: "Late at work. #{reason}"
)
# Log this
puts "Message sent at: #{Time.now} | Reason: #{reason}"
gitextract_7n55pooc/ ├── CSharp/ │ ├── Hangover.cs │ └── SmackMyBitch.cs ├── R/ │ ├── hangover.R │ └── smack_my_bitch_up.R ├── README.md ├── README.zh-CN.md ├── clojure/ │ ├── coffee.clj │ ├── hangover.clj │ ├── kumar.clj │ └── smack.clj ├── coffee/ │ └── fucking.coffee ├── fucking-coffee.sh ├── fucking_coffee.rb ├── go/ │ ├── fucking-coffee.go │ ├── hangover.go │ └── smack_my_bitch_up.go ├── groovy/ │ └── fucking_coffee.groovy ├── hangover.rb ├── hangover.sh ├── java/ │ ├── FuckingCoffee.java │ ├── Hangover.java │ ├── KumarAsshole.java │ └── SmackMyBitch.java ├── kotlin/ │ ├── FuckingCoffee.kt │ ├── Hangover.kt │ ├── KumarAsshole.kt │ └── SmackMyBitch.kt ├── kumar-asshole.sh ├── kumar_asshole.rb ├── nodejs/ │ ├── fucking_coffee.js │ ├── fucking_coffee_yo_server.js │ ├── hangover.js │ ├── kumar_asshole.js │ └── smack_my_bitch_up.js ├── perl/ │ ├── fucking-coffee.pl │ ├── hangover.pl │ ├── kumar-asshole.pl │ └── smack-my-bitch-up.pl ├── php/ │ ├── composer.json │ ├── fucking_coffee.php │ ├── hangover.php │ └── smack_my_bitch_up.php ├── powershell/ │ ├── fucking_coffee.psm1 │ ├── hangover.psm1 │ └── smack_my_bitch_up.ps1 ├── python/ │ ├── fucking_coffee.py │ ├── hangover.py │ ├── kumar_asshole.py │ └── smack_my_bitch_up.py ├── python3/ │ ├── fucking_coffee.py │ ├── hackerutils.py │ ├── hangover.py │ ├── kumar_asshole.py │ ├── requirements.txt │ └── smack_my_bitch_up.py ├── scala/ │ └── fucking-coffee.scala ├── smack-my-bitch-up.sh └── smack_my_bitch_up.rb
SYMBOL INDEX (28 symbols across 16 files)
FILE: CSharp/Hangover.cs
class Hangover (line 7) | class Hangover
method Main (line 15) | static void Main(string[] args)
FILE: CSharp/SmackMyBitch.cs
class SmackMyBitch (line 10) | class SmackMyBitch
method Main (line 18) | static void Main(string[] args)
FILE: go/fucking-coffee.go
function main (line 14) | func main() {
FILE: go/hangover.go
constant my_number (line 13) | my_number string = "+xxxxx"
constant boss_number (line 14) | boss_number string = "+yyyyy"
function main (line 16) | func main() {
FILE: go/smack_my_bitch_up.go
function main (line 12) | func main() {
FILE: java/FuckingCoffee.java
class FuckingCoffee (line 4) | public class FuckingCoffee{
method main (line 13) | public static void main(String[] args)throws Exception{
FILE: java/Hangover.java
class Hangover (line 12) | public class Hangover {
method main (line 20) | public static void main(String[] args) throws TwilioRestException {
FILE: java/KumarAsshole.java
class KumarAsshole (line 11) | public class KumarAsshole {
method main (line 13) | public static void main(String[] args) {
method read (line 18) | public void read() {
FILE: java/SmackMyBitch.java
class SmackMyBitch (line 15) | public class SmackMyBitch {
method main (line 23) | public static void main(String[] args) throws TwilioRestException {
FILE: kumar_asshole.rb
function create_reply (line 17) | def create_reply(subject)
FILE: nodejs/kumar_asshole.js
function openInbox (line 28) | function openInbox(cb) {
FILE: python3/fucking_coffee.py
function main (line 14) | def main():
FILE: python3/hackerutils.py
function get_dotenv (line 10) | def get_dotenv(filename='.env'):
function sh (line 14) | def sh(*args):
function get_log_path (line 20) | def get_log_path(name):
FILE: python3/hangover.py
function main (line 19) | def main():
FILE: python3/kumar_asshole.py
function send_reply (line 25) | def send_reply(subject):
function main (line 34) | def main():
FILE: python3/smack_my_bitch_up.py
function main (line 19) | def main():
Condensed preview — 58 files, each showing path, character count, and a content snippet. Download the .json file or copy for the full structured content (75K chars).
[
{
"path": "CSharp/Hangover.cs",
"chars": 1042,
"preview": "namespace Hacker_Scripts\n{\n using System;\n using Twilio;\n using System.Linq;\n\n class Hangover\n {\n "
},
{
"path": "CSharp/SmackMyBitch.cs",
"chars": 1109,
"preview": "using System;\nusing System.Collections.Generic;\nusing System.Linq;\nusing System.Text;\nusing System.Threading.Tasks;\nusi"
},
{
"path": "R/hangover.R",
"chars": 889,
"preview": "library(httr)\n\ntoday = Sys.Date()\n\n# skip weekends\nif( weekdays(today) %in% c('Saturday','Sunday') ){\n quit()\n }\n\n# ex"
},
{
"path": "R/smack_my_bitch_up.R",
"chars": 891,
"preview": "library(httr)\n\ntoday = Sys.Date()\n\n# skip weekends\nif( weekdays(today) %in% c('Saturday','Sunday') ){\n quit()\n }\n\n# ex"
},
{
"path": "README.md",
"chars": 3437,
"preview": "\nEnglish | [简体中文](./README.zh-CN.md)\n\n# Hacker Scripts\n\nBased on a _[true\nstory](https://www.jitbit.com/alexblog/249-now"
},
{
"path": "README.zh-CN.md",
"chars": 2358,
"preview": "# Hacker Scripts\n\n根据 *[真实故事](https://www.jitbit.com/alexblog/249-now-thats-what-i-call-a-hacker/)* 改编:\n\n> xxx: 是这样的，我们的"
},
{
"path": "clojure/coffee.clj",
"chars": 1227,
"preview": "(ns hacker-scripts.coffee\n (:require [environ.core :refer [env]])\n (:import\n (java.net Socket)\n (java.io Buffere"
},
{
"path": "clojure/hangover.clj",
"chars": 728,
"preview": "(ns hacker-scripts.hangover\n (:import\n (com.twilio Twilio)\n (com.twilio.rest.api.v2010.account Message)\n (com."
},
{
"path": "clojure/kumar.clj",
"chars": 2537,
"preview": "(ns hacker-scripts.kumar\n (:import\n (java.util Properties)\n (javax.mail Session Authenticator PasswordAuthenticat"
},
{
"path": "clojure/smack.clj",
"chars": 749,
"preview": "(ns hacker-scripts.smack\n (:import\n (com.twilio Twilio)\n (com.twilio.rest.api.v2010.account Message)\n (com.twi"
},
{
"path": "coffee/fucking.coffee",
"chars": 516,
"preview": "#!/usr/bin/env coffee\n\nusername = 'name'\n\nhost = 'localhost'\nport = '3000'\npass = '5555'\n\nsh = require('child_process')."
},
{
"path": "fucking-coffee.sh",
"chars": 80,
"preview": "#!/bin/sh\n#\n# Requires fucking_coffee script in your bin\n#\n\nexec fucking_coffee\n"
},
{
"path": "fucking_coffee.rb",
"chars": 459,
"preview": "#!/usr/bin/env ruby\n\n# Exit early if no sessions with my username are found\nexit unless `who -q`.include? ENV['USER']\n\nr"
},
{
"path": "go/fucking-coffee.go",
"chars": 1137,
"preview": "package main\n\nimport (\n\t\"fmt\"\n\t\"log\"\n\t\"os\"\n\t\"regexp\"\n\t\"time\"\n\n\t\"github.com/codeskyblue/go-sh\"\n\t\"github.com/google/goexpe"
},
{
"path": "go/hangover.go",
"chars": 1054,
"preview": "package main\n\nimport (\n\t\"fmt\"\n\t\"log\"\n\t\"math/rand\"\n\t\"os\"\n\n\t\"github.com/codeskyblue/go-sh\"\n\t\"github.com/subosito/twilio\"\n)"
},
{
"path": "go/smack_my_bitch_up.go",
"chars": 1117,
"preview": "package main\n\nimport (\n\t\"fmt\"\n\t\"math/rand\"\n\t\"os\"\n\t\"os/exec\"\n\t\"strings\"\n\t\"time\"\n)\n\nfunc main() {\n\toutput1, err := exec.Co"
},
{
"path": "groovy/fucking_coffee.groovy",
"chars": 545,
"preview": "@Grab(group='org.hidetake', module='groovy-ssh', version='1.1.8')\n@GrabExclude('org.codehaus.groovy:groovy-all')\nimport "
},
{
"path": "hangover.rb",
"chars": 691,
"preview": "#!/usr/bin/env ruby\n\n# Exit early if sessions with my username are found\nexit if `who -q`.include? ENV['USER']\n\nrequire "
},
{
"path": "hangover.sh",
"chars": 684,
"preview": "#!/bin/sh -e\n\n# Exit early if any session with my username is found\nif who | grep -wq $USER; then\n exit\nfi\n\n# Phone num"
},
{
"path": "java/FuckingCoffee.java",
"chars": 1164,
"preview": "import java.net.*;\nimport java.io.*;\n \npublic class FuckingCoffee{\n\n private static final String MY_USERNAME = \"my_us"
},
{
"path": "java/Hangover.java",
"chars": 1611,
"preview": "import com.twilio.sdk.TwilioRestClient;\nimport com.twilio.sdk.TwilioRestException;\nimport com.twilio.sdk.resource.factor"
},
{
"path": "java/KumarAsshole.java",
"chars": 2370,
"preview": "import java.io.File;\nimport java.io.FileInputStream;\nimport java.util.*;\nimport java.util.regex.*;\n\nimport javax.mail.*;"
},
{
"path": "java/SmackMyBitch.java",
"chars": 1655,
"preview": "import com.twilio.sdk.TwilioRestClient;\nimport com.twilio.sdk.TwilioRestException;\nimport com.twilio.sdk.resource.factor"
},
{
"path": "kotlin/FuckingCoffee.kt",
"chars": 999,
"preview": "import java.io.BufferedReader\nimport java.io.InputStreamReader\nimport java.io.PrintWriter\nimport java.net.Socket\n\nprivat"
},
{
"path": "kotlin/Hangover.kt",
"chars": 1182,
"preview": "import com.twilio.sdk.TwilioRestClient\nimport com.twilio.sdk.TwilioRestException\nimport com.twilio.sdk.resource.factory."
},
{
"path": "kotlin/KumarAsshole.kt",
"chars": 2817,
"preview": "import java.io.File\nimport java.io.FileInputStream\nimport java.util.*\nimport java.util.regex.*\n\nimport javax.mail.*\nimpo"
},
{
"path": "kotlin/SmackMyBitch.kt",
"chars": 1284,
"preview": "import com.twilio.sdk.TwilioRestClient\nimport com.twilio.sdk.TwilioRestException\nimport com.twilio.sdk.resource.factory."
},
{
"path": "kumar-asshole.sh",
"chars": 78,
"preview": "#!/bin/sh\n#\n# Requires kumar_asshole script in your bin\n#\n\nexec kumar_asshole\n"
},
{
"path": "kumar_asshole.rb",
"chars": 1050,
"preview": "#!/usr/bin/env ruby\n\nrequire 'dotenv'\nrequire 'gmail'\n\nDotenv.load\n\nGMAIL_USERNAME = ENV['GMAIL_USERNAME']\nGMAIL_PASSWOR"
},
{
"path": "nodejs/fucking_coffee.js",
"chars": 986,
"preview": "#!/usr/bin/env node\n\n/* Before running:\n npm install telnet-client\n*/\n\nvar exec = require('child_process').exec;\n"
},
{
"path": "nodejs/fucking_coffee_yo_server.js",
"chars": 2433,
"preview": "#!/usr/bin/env node\n\n/* Before running:\n Setup Yo Callback URL and Yo username for coffee machine:\n http:/"
},
{
"path": "nodejs/hangover.js",
"chars": 1540,
"preview": "#!/usr/bin/env node\n\n/* Before running:\n npm install twilio\n*/\n\nvar exec = require('child_process').exec;\n\nvar me"
},
{
"path": "nodejs/kumar_asshole.js",
"chars": 3740,
"preview": "#!/usr/bin/env node\n\n/* Before running:\n npm install nodemailer\n npm install imap\n\nI realize this is long."
},
{
"path": "nodejs/smack_my_bitch_up.js",
"chars": 1537,
"preview": "#!/usr/bin/env node\n\n/* Before running:\n npm install twilio\n*/\n\nvar exec = require('child_process').exec;\n\nvar me"
},
{
"path": "perl/fucking-coffee.pl",
"chars": 849,
"preview": "#!/usr/bin/perl\n\nuse strict;\nuse warnings;\n\nuse DateTime;\nuse YAML;\nuse Net::Telnet;\n\n# Config\nmy $conf = Load( <<'...' "
},
{
"path": "perl/hangover.pl",
"chars": 1542,
"preview": "#!/usr/bin/perl\n\nuse strict;\nuse warnings;\n\nuse DateTime;\nuse SMS::Send;\nuse YAML;\n\n# Config\nmy $conf = Load( <<'...' );"
},
{
"path": "perl/kumar-asshole.pl",
"chars": 2518,
"preview": "#!/usr/bin/perl\n\nuse strict;\nuse warnings;\n\nuse YAML;\nuse DateTime;\nuse Mail::Webmail::Gmail;\n\n# Config\nmy $conf = Load("
},
{
"path": "perl/smack-my-bitch-up.pl",
"chars": 1542,
"preview": "#!/usr/bin/perl\n\nuse strict;\nuse warnings;\n\nuse DateTime;\nuse SMS::Send;\nuse YAML;\n\n# Config\nmy $conf = Load( <<'...' );"
},
{
"path": "php/composer.json",
"chars": 130,
"preview": "{\n \"require\": {\n \"bestnetwork/telnet\": \"^1.0\",\n \"vlucas/phpdotenv\": \"^2.0\",\n \"twilio/sdk\": \"^4.6"
},
{
"path": "php/fucking_coffee.php",
"chars": 320,
"preview": "#!/usr/bin/env php\n<?php\n\nrequire 'vendor/autoload.php';\n\nuse Bestnetwork\\Telnet\\TelnetClient;\n\n(strpos(exec('who'), get"
},
{
"path": "php/hangover.php",
"chars": 603,
"preview": "#!/usr/bin/env php\n<?php\n\nrequire 'vendor/autoload.php';\n\n(new Dotenv\\Dotenv(__DIR__))->load();\n(strpos(exec('who'), get"
},
{
"path": "php/smack_my_bitch_up.php",
"chars": 730,
"preview": "#!/usr/bin/env php\n<?php\n\nrequire 'vendor/autoload.php';\n(new Dotenv\\Dotenv(__DIR__))->load();\n\n(strpos(exec('who'), get"
},
{
"path": "powershell/fucking_coffee.psm1",
"chars": 1845,
"preview": "<#\n.SYNOPSIS\n Simple script to connect to a coffee part using TelNet then issue specific commands that\n\tbrew and pour"
},
{
"path": "powershell/hangover.psm1",
"chars": 2104,
"preview": "<#\n.SYNOPSIS\n Simple script to SMS a supervisor informing them you will be working from home\n on the day this scri"
},
{
"path": "powershell/smack_my_bitch_up.ps1",
"chars": 978,
"preview": "$DAYOFWEEK = (Get-Date).DayOfWeek.value__;\n\n# Skip on weekends\nif ($DAYOFWEEK -eq 6 -or $DAYOFWEEK -eq 7) {\n return\n}"
},
{
"path": "python/fucking_coffee.py",
"chars": 539,
"preview": "#!/usr/bin/env python\n\nimport sys\nimport subprocess\nimport telnetlib\nimport time\n\n# exit if no sessions with my username"
},
{
"path": "python/hangover.py",
"chars": 832,
"preview": "#!/usr/bin/env python\n\nimport os\nimport random\nfrom twilio.rest import TwilioRestClient\nfrom time import strftime\nimport"
},
{
"path": "python/kumar_asshole.py",
"chars": 541,
"preview": "#!/usr/bin/env python\n\nimport gmail\nimport sys\nimport re\n\nGMAIL_USERNAME = ENV['GMAIL_USERNAME']\nGMAIL_PASSWORD = ENV['G"
},
{
"path": "python/smack_my_bitch_up.py",
"chars": 839,
"preview": "#!/usr/bin/env python\n\nimport os\nimport random\nfrom twilio.rest import TwilioRestClient\nimport subprocess\nimport sys\nfro"
},
{
"path": "python3/fucking_coffee.py",
"chars": 672,
"preview": "#!/usr/bin/env python3\n# -*- coding: utf-8 -*-\n\nimport telnetlib\nimport time\n\nfrom hackerutils import sh\n\nCOFFEE_MACHINE"
},
{
"path": "python3/hackerutils.py",
"chars": 486,
"preview": "#!/usr/bin/env python3\n# -*- coding: utf-8 -*-\n\nimport pathlib\nimport subprocess\n\nfrom dotenv import Dotenv\n\n\ndef get_do"
},
{
"path": "python3/hangover.py",
"chars": 1216,
"preview": "#!/usr/bin/env python3\n# -*- coding: utf-8 -*-\n\nimport random\n\nfrom twilio import TwilioRestException\nfrom twilio.rest i"
},
{
"path": "python3/kumar_asshole.py",
"chars": 996,
"preview": "#!/usr/bin/env python3\n# -*- coding: utf-8 -*-\n\nimport re\n\nimport gmail\nimport yagmail\n\nfrom hackerutils import get_dote"
},
{
"path": "python3/requirements.txt",
"chars": 63,
"preview": "dotenv\ntwilio\nyagmail\ngit+https://github.com/charlierguo/gmail\n"
},
{
"path": "python3/smack_my_bitch_up.py",
"chars": 1217,
"preview": "#!/usr/bin/env python3\n# -*- coding: utf-8 -*-\n\nimport random\n\nfrom twilio import TwilioRestException\nfrom twilio.rest i"
},
{
"path": "scala/fucking-coffee.scala",
"chars": 1123,
"preview": "/*******************************************\n *\n * Get Ammonite (http://lihaoyi.github.io/Ammonite/#Ammonite-Shell): \n *"
},
{
"path": "smack-my-bitch-up.sh",
"chars": 681,
"preview": "#!/bin/sh -e\n\n# Exit early if no sessions with my username are found\nif ! who | grep -wq $USER; then\n exit\nfi\n\n# Phone "
},
{
"path": "smack_my_bitch_up.rb",
"chars": 685,
"preview": "#!/usr/bin/env ruby\n\n# Exit early if no sessions with my username are found\nexit unless `who -q`.include? ENV['USER']\n\nr"
}
]
About this extraction
This page contains the full source code of the NARKOZ/hacker-scripts GitHub repository, extracted and formatted as plain text for AI agents and large language models (LLMs). The extraction includes 58 files (67.1 KB), approximately 19.5k tokens, and a symbol index with 28 extracted functions, classes, methods, constants, and types. Use this with OpenClaw, Claude, ChatGPT, Cursor, Windsurf, or any other AI tool that accepts text input. You can copy the full output to your clipboard or download it as a .txt file.
Extracted by GitExtract — free GitHub repo to text converter for AI. Built by Nikandr Surkov.